Our Quiver-Full Story - Part Three

A marriage spiraling

I won't say I was a shining star during those 6 months. I know satan was determined that I not get on the ball. In October of 2008 I spiraled down. I had a lot of anger and unforgiveness towards my husband and began really lashing out. It's frightening how quickly we can spiral away from the things of the LORD when we allow ourselves to begin to believe satan's lies! The week of October 15th, 2008 my anger oozed out. I remember screaming at my husband so hatefully and telling him I didn't care if he never came back. Wow... I still remember that moment. I wish it had not occurred. You can't take back those things! (Guard your mouth, ladies!)
I went to my church small group that Friday night and when the women broke up into accountability time, separate from the men, the lady leading asked us for prayer requests. I knew I needed prayer! I said, "Please pray for my marriage!" and I started balling. I told them I had a lot of anger that I had allowed to build up over the years. I knew I was not seeing my husband through God's eyes and that satan was doing a number on me. I admitted how awfully I had lashed out in my anger and I knew I was not honoring God. I so respected how Donna, the leader of the group, responded. She didn't tell me to read this or that book, or to go to a counsellor. She simply said, "Write a letter to God about it."
That night my husband was out of town (which is very infrequent & I know was God's perfect timing) and so after I got my daughters to bed I started my letter to God. I began by confessing how much anger I had inside. I was not far into the letter at all when the Lord impressed on my heart the following;
He had wiped my slate clean when I asked Him to forgive me of my sins and live in my heart. I in turn needed to wipe my husband's slate clean!
Wow. I knew that was true. The Lord brought to mind the dry erase board we have for homeschooling. I quickly went and got it. I first wrote on a piece of paper all the things I was angry at my husband for. (You have to realize what it is that you are holding against someone in order to let it go. I learned through this experience what an important part of the forgiveness process that is) Then slowly one by one I wrote each one on the dry erase board one at a time. With each one I read it out loud and said "I forgive him for... and I erased it off the board. I then went on to the next one. This took a lot of time. I had 14 items on the list and some were harder to say than others. After doing this I asked the LORD to help me to truly let all those things go. That his slate would be wiped clean and that I would see my husband anew through the Lord's eyes.
The next morning when I awoke I knew the Lord had done a miracle in me. I remember seeing a framed photo of my husband and I on the kitchen counter. When I looked at it I truly saw a different man! I use to look at the picture and see a critical, mean person. Now I saw a loving man and all I saw was hurt in his eyes for the ways I had hatefully lashed out at him! I balled saying out loud "Lord, I love him sooo much!" That was one of the neatest moments. I knew the Lord had answered my prayer to help me see him anew. I suddenly began to see how much the Lord had been doing in my husband's heart; How much the things I had been seeing in him before were not accurate. I was seeing him previously through unforgiving, selfish eyes. I had always known I loved my husband but sadly I had not saw him as my friend for years. I now saw him as my very best friend!!
This all occurred literally just before the 6 months I earlier referred to had ended. God is faithful. satan's plan to destroy my marriage was defeated.

Thank you Jesus!!!! To this day this has not changed. My husband is my dearest friend and I treasure him. I respect him and admire the way he has come to a deeper level of surrender to the Lord in the past year (you'll hear more about in coming posts). He is a fun and loving man and a blessing to me and our 3 daughters.

Next post: God's promise